I was going to post on the actual day of 13 weeks, but then I was wondering if 13 weeks marks the start of the last week of the 1st trimester, of the first week of the 2nd one. After thinking, I determined it was the last week in my first trimester, and didn’t feel like getting ready for a picture – LOL.

I got the news this week that I’ll have an article published in a magazine this summer, and with that, I’m supposed to submit a picture of myself. So, let’s just say that we played photo shoot today! I am the least photogenic person on the planet, so there’s not one pic of myself in any recent years deemed suitable for a magazine, much less a well known one.

We did this after church, since the before church pics weren’t turning out well indoors, and we were already running late late. Since  I was already dressed up after the mag pics shoot, I had DD take some preggo shots of me – just for the record. Thankfully, I was able to have some of these out decent. What was funny was DD then wanted me to take a pic of her, standing just like I did – hands and all.

Also to note – I’m thinking I looked like this at 5 or 6 months w/ #1 – big difference this time, and the first pic doesn’t really seem to show much – guess this is a good angle.

Oh, and the best news of the day – we got our first baby/ Mommy gift (which BTW, I know the baby will LOVE!!) I tell you, there’s no way I could ever try anything really addicting, if I get into this stuff like I do. Really, it’s amazing how great it is when that first dip melts in my mouth!!!

I never would’ve thought it, but this sour/ tart/ sweet combo thing has been a lifesaver for morning sickness the past 2 or 3 weeks – even as much as I hate the thought of food dye. Andrea and Greg had me worried when they were all smiles bringing a gift bag to church, I was thinking I’d be real embarrassed by something.  THIS is true friendship!

In other news, I go back for another checkup this week.

Little Mommy

That is the question. So…

What do you do when you’ve gained two or three times the amount of weight that pretty much EVERY site online says you will gain during the first trimester?

What do you do when you have – note HAVE – to wear maternity clothes because you don’t fit in normal clothes anymore – as you are just starting Week 13?

What do you do when, just starting Week 13, are the size you were at 20 – 24 weeks with your previous children?

What do you do when if you ask your husband, “Do you remember if my tummy poked out this much before? Is it bigger this time?” and he answers with a smile and chuckle that no, you’re tummy didn’t poke out this early before, and that it is bigger than past times?

What do you do when your husband tells you that if you are already wearing maternity clothes this early that you need to go get some more, because you will wear them out by the end?

LOL – I’m laughing, because I’m just loving being pregnant! True, I’m not eating the best – too many sweets and junk – but I’m still at the point where eating helps me from feeling so bad. Hopefully this will let up very soon, or else I’ll look like I’m having twins or something before long!

Little Mommy

Take your pick on which ultrasound gives the TRUE age of the baby, but I’m going by the first one and would be 12 weeks today!

I’m not really sure how it happened, but I somehow got off by a week this past week, so I’m actually a little bummed that I’m just starting Week 12 instead of just ending it. I’m not sure why exactly?

I had my first “Whoa! Hormones full speed ahead!” moment tonight. Something was said, and right then and there I broke down squawling – and couldn’t stop. Poor family. I’m thinking had this been any other time I would’ve had a different reaction, but sometimes a good cry feels good anyway. LOL

I am really starting to show a baby belly now. I’m thinking this is probably the earliest I’ve started to show, and am choosing to go with “it’s my 5th baby” instead of “it’s all of the ice cream, Krispy Kreme donuts, pecan pie, cheesecake, etc….. that I’ve been eating this past week” thought.

I’m not one to get on the scales very often, so it’s probably been 4 or 5 weeks since I’d stepped on here at home. I like to go with a first thing in the morning weight vs. doctors office fully dressed (in heavier winter clothes) AFTER I’ve had breakfast and possibly lunch weight.

Now, I’ve always had a struggle to keep weight on. Given that I’ve nursed a total of 44 months (that’s over 4 years) out of the past 6 and a half years, that makes sense. The rest of the time has been spent chasing the 4 children that ate my food for me. Much to my surprise, I’d gained about 7 lbs these first 11 weeks!

I don’t know if I’ve kept track before, but I’m pretty sure this is the most I’ve gained so early on. My pregnancy gains are usually between 32 and 34 lbs. the entire pregnancy. It will be interesting to see how that pans out this time. Either way, I’m really enjoying starting to feel more comfortable that this baby is okay, and we are really going to have a sweet little one to hold and love on this fall!!!

In other news, I’m *almost* motivated to exercise. Remember the aforementioned baby belly? I’m thinking a huge part of this is lack of muscle tone. I just haven’t had the energy to start and stick with an exercise routine – for years. But as I’m seeing how poorly I’m holding up (I can’t even sit up straight in a chair for very long anymore), I’m getting more into thinking I have to do something.

Food – I’ve still loved that Sweettarts have found me, although I am about out and my eczema has come back very bad from the food dyes in them. It’s strange how they can ward of morning sickness so well! I tried pickles tonight, and while they were good (I was surprised at how good), they weren’t fully making me feel better.

Hopefully as I near the end of this first trimester this will all fade away. I keep forgetting to try the Zofran again, but at the same time, I’d rather not take meds unless I’m absolutely dying. This is debatable according to hubby – he says this time has been my worse – I disagree.

But food has definitely been my comfort when I feel bad, and also my enemy depending on what I’m eating.

Upcoming events – I made my decision on which doctor to try again, and cancelled the other appt., so I’ll have my next OB appt. in two weeks. The tour we took of our other hospital choice the other night really gave us a hard decision. New hospital, probably less flexible doctors OR Christian doctors with a very old and outdated hospital. A really hard choice, but I feel good with our decision at the moment.

In three weeks, I’m hoping to start feeling the baby move! I’m pretty sure I was around 14 to 16 weeks before when I felt those first flutters! Given the baby will be 6 inches long, I can see how you’d feel something!

I was around 13 to 14 weeks last go round when I started having Braxton Hicks, so that’s actually one thing I don’t look forward to. Hopefully this time it’ll wait til the 3rd trimester?

I think that’s about it for now. DD and DS2 are very insistent that they need and want a baby sister. We’ll see near the end of April!

Little Mommy

Wow, it’s been longer than I meant since my last post. In the pregnancy sense, things are the same = boring.

I’ve battled morning sickness all day long a LOT worse this week, despite my B6 vitamin, which does help. My problem is that I don’t always remember to take it until I’m already feeling bad. Oops!

One discovery came thanks to a 75% off sale on Valentines candy. Seems that for some reason, the somewhat sour/ tart Sweetarts really do the trick for me. The downside is that the food coloring in them is killing me. I usually get eczema while pregnant, and over time, I’ve found that it’s food related. Food coloring and hydrogenated oils seem to be the worst triggers for me.

I’m slowly weaning off of daily naps, though it’s still hard to stay up at night. Since that’s when I work online, I’ve found I’m sometimes falling asleep – just because my eyes won’t stay open any more – early in the evening, only to wake up to get the little ones in bed and then work.

Maternity Clothes – I’m slowly making the switch over to maternity clothes. While some things still fit fine, more fitted clothes just don’t look right. I hope to add a few items to my maternity wardrobe, since some are a little worn after 4 pregnancies already.

I met a doctor last week, as well as toured that hospital, but I’m just not sure if this is where I want to be. So, we’ll be touring another hospital next week, then seeing a doctor there. It seems Birmingham isn’t the most ‘homebirth in a hospital’ friendly. I know there is a doctor here and there that might be 90% willing to work with you, but then you still have the nurses to work with. I just want everything to be when “I” want it to be, unless there is a true medical reason for it to be otherwise.

I mean, is there really a reason they have to take the baby to weigh it, measure it, and all that other stuff within the first hour or two? No, not one, except that it inconviences them to wait.

I was really excited that last time, with a firm insistence, things went just like I wanted. You could tell it about killed them for the baby not to get washed off for half the day. LOL!

That initial bonding time is priceless to me, and my heart still breaks watching the video of our first – he was on the other side of the room for probably at least 30 minutes, then off to the nursery for another hour or two. Everyone else got to see him more than I did those first few hours.

Okay, speech over, ha ha! I am just really praying for guidance for where the Lord wants us to be, and quickly.

Little Mommy

Just the other day at the dinner table, DD (5) was deep in thought.

“Mommy, is the place where babies are born open all the time?”

I couldn’t help but laugh, as she was sincerely concerned that they might be closed when someone needed to have their baby.

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DS2 was talking the other day, and I happened to hear that his thoughts on how babies come out are that the mommy coughs and it comes up and out her mouth! I’m pretty sure I probably laughed at that one as well, explaining that the baby couldn’t to that, Mommy’s ribs would be in the way.

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It’s been fun looking through the week by week pictures online with the kids. There is one site that has 3D cartoon drawings of each stage, and they’ve really enjoyed seeing how the baby grows and develops.

They often ask me how big the baby is now, and we measure it out on the ruler, which then gets moved to our fingers. DD is paying close attention, and loves to show anyone willing to know how long the baby is on her finger.

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Last, but not least, DS 3 (22 months) has been paying quite a bit of attention to our ‘baby’ conversations. When I notice him watching us talking, I stop and point to my growing tummy and tell him there’s a baby in my tummy.

Tonight before bed, DD asked if she had a baby in her tummy. No, I replied laughing. “Well who does then?”, she asked. “You know, silly! Whose tummy is getting bigger?”

I noticed DS3 watching our conversation intently, so again, I told him that I had a baby in my tummy. (One of the last times I did this he tried to pull my clothes off my tummy to see – LOL!). He pointed and acknowledged he knew what we were saying.

Then the silly little guy pointed to his own tummy, saying their was a baby in there! “No, (laughing), there’s not a baby in YOUR tummy, it’s in Mommy’s tummy.”

So he then did what he did the other day, he moved onto another round body part, his knee. When I told him there was no baby there, he tried the other knee. It’s so funny seeing how these little minds work.

Little Mommy

Today was my LAST appointment with the specialist – I’m now cleared! I’m kinda sad, because this doctor really seems to care about his patients, and even though we were still whisked in and out, it seemed we mattered more than we have at OB’s we’ve used in the past. He even asked if he could come see us once the baby was born!

I was caught off guard by that one, but DH seemed to be encouraging it when he said “that’d be great!” Um… I’ll be in pjs! Anyways, if he does or doesn’t, he really made us feel welcome, for which I am very grateful.

Today I measured 1 week behind based on my original ultrasound and dates. It’s slowly crept back a few days each visit, and was only 1 day off this time. My stats today were 8 weeks (which would put me around Oct. 5th), 1.81 cm long crown to rump (18 mm for those that might not be up on their math, also around 3/4 inch), and the heart rate was 171 bmp.

We didn’t think to ask about our ‘in hand’ video camera today, so we ended up not getting video, but it was still really neat to see what was clearly a baby together. Remember, DH missed last week due to work. The heart looked great, and when he zoomed in, we could see the tiny little valves opening and closing – really neat!

I was excited to see how much larger it was, and panicked a little when I didn’t see the heartbeat at first – of course. The doc played around with different angles and we finally got a good one where we could see the arm and leg buds. I LOVE pregnancy, and seeing how truly amazing God’s creation is!

Next week we’ll go for our first regular OB appointment, meet a new doctor, and tour their facility. We still aren’t sure where we’ll end up, but we do have it narrowed down to two hospitals.

We were actually supposed to take the tour today, but ended up postponing it since I’ve had a nasty head cold since Monday night. Two of our four kiddos have the green noses, and the other two started sniffling today. I did test them and it’s viral, so there’s little we can do to stop it.

Plus, our current baby felt so bad that I just couldn’t leave him, and he went with us. I just knew that I don’t like for my children to be exposed to sickness, so I couldn’t do that to someone else. The nurse was grateful I let her know and set us up for next week instead.

Hopefully it will pass quickly. I have some new essential oils that I’m eager to try out, but was shocked to read that you shouldn’t use them while pregnant. I’m not sure exactly why, and I’d really like to breathe, but I just can’t risk anything with the baby. So, lots of lemon juice for me to help keep things broken up, and saline cleanings for my poor little nose.

Now to the title of this post…

I couldn’t tell you HOW many times I have seen pictures of donuts this week. Come on, they are everywhere! We hit rock bottom on our food stash yesterday, so a trip to the store was in order this afternoon. (After a 2 hour nap on the couch at my moms.)

I left most of my coupons at home by mistake, so we just went to WalMart instead of deal shopping. I was trying to remember everything that I have wanted this week – from orange sherbet, to those nasty fake chicken strips (the real ones make me really sick right now), to marshmallows, to donuts.

Oh yeah, I didn’t post about the orange sherbet, just Facebooked it. I HAD to have the stuff last Friday, but DH forgot his cell phone when he left work. Desparate as I was, I took what we had here and made my own – milk, sweetened condensed milk, sugar, and frozen oj (let’s not add that this oj had been half used months ago and was still in the freezer).

It actually tasted pretty good, for a few minutes. Then, I’m not sure if it was the mixture, or the thinking of mixing milk and oj together, but I felt pretty nasty. Even the thought of it the next day turned my stomach.

Anyways, we opened the donuts in the van only for me to be totally disappointed. No grease and an extra sweet icing. Oh well, everyone else seemed to like them. Once home, I tried the orange sherbet. It was okay, but not quite right. I tried a second scoop, but it still wasn’t hitting the spot.

On to the marshmallows – tried one, nope, wasn’t it either… Which led me to trying hot chocolate – working better than some things, but still not great.

I finally gave up, and even DH added in his two cents that I wouldn’t ever find exactly what I wanted. I really don’t remember having such a hard time finding what was good to me in past pregnancies, but this time is really stumping me.

I’m getting more sensitive to smells – so don’t wear lotion or perfume around me, and forget those nasty cigarettes – ughh! Just having to ride the elevator w/ someone that reeked of smoke today at the hospital was bad enough.

Not complaining about any of this, really, just recording all the crazy little quirks I’m having with this pregnancy. I’m grateful that God has placed me right here, and would do it all for this little one! I’d just be happy if they’d tell me exactly what it is that I need to eat.

Little Mommy

I didn’t realize how nervous I still was about the visit today until I sat down in the waiting room and my eyes started tearing up. DH wasn’t sure if he could make the visit, work is funny about needing 30 days notice, and so waiting alone wasn’t helping.

15 minutes later I look up and out of the window to see him walking into the building, and again, I had to fight emotions with all that was in me. By the time he joined me and spoke, the tears couldn’t be fought any longer. I know the girl next to me thought I was crazy!

Recap from last week: the baby should’ve measured 7 weeks, but only measured 6 weeks 3 days. The day after my visit the naseua stopped almost completely. I also haven’t been sleeping as much, though still very tired and just wiped out.

Many times I felt so good that I began to worry – there was no way I could still be pregnant. Until Sunday night. I had skipped taking the vitamin I had started a few days before for some reason and felt really bad again.

After examining the ingredients, I discovered it had B6 which is known to fight the sickness. Apparently it works great for me! I’m really just taking this, which has 5 or 6 key vitamins, and a folic acid tablet. I’m not sure that the added calcium in prenatals didn’t add to the kidney stone I had my last pregnancy, so I’m avoiding that right now – along w/ extra iron, which leads to other issues.

I do know to keep an eye on this though, esp. since I’m so tired, because I was anemic one of my pregnancies. Just a reminder for if I look back in a few weeks and wonder what I was thinking…

Anyways, we finally get called back and DH gets paged – his next patient had arrived. (He works just a couple of blocks from my doc) You could tell the torn look in his eyes. I really wanted him there, but just him coming over in the first place spoke volumes to me and was enough. It seems our eyes were able to say what we couldn’t say, we hugged, and he had to leave.

It was a good thing though, because it was about 35 to 40 more minutes before the ultrasound room opened up. The doc came in while I was waiting, all cheerful, asking how I was doing, only to be dumbfounded when I started the tears again. I tried, I really did, but when I opened my mouth to answer how I was feeling, the tears came out instead. I’ve been worried.

He was very considerate and offered me the tissues (:)), and said to be sure to let them know if this was the case again and they would try to rush me back – so DH could have stayed with me. It was okay though, I know that God has a plan in all this, and I’m trying to just trust Him.

Finally, I get back and I wish I’d had someone take my picture when I saw the baby on the screen. It was so much bigger than last week! But I couldn’t see the heartbeat. I froze, probably held my breath, until I saw it – that little heart beating. I can’t describe the burden that I felt lifted off of me – I really think I felt it.

Thank you, Lord, for the life You which is still placed in our care! I am now officially past the mark where I’ve miscarried each time before. I measure 7 weeks 3 days, which is 2 days off from the 6 weeks 3 days 9 days ago – for a total of 6 days off now. They don’t seem too concerned, and to be honest, I’m not since the growth was so much better this time and that heart beat – it was so strong! 150, up from 119.

I can’t wait to show DH and the kids the video they let me take of the heartbeat, and to hear it again myself; it has to be one of the most beautiful sounds in the entire world, and I’m so, so happy that it’s there and it’s my baby’s!

Little Mommy

I’m trying to keep a good mind about me, I’m repeating a verse someone shared with me early in this pregnancy, “For God hath not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and a sound mind”, but I’m struggling today.

I went in Wednesday begging for meds to help the constant “I’m about to throw up everything” feeling, and it’s like a switch flipped and I rarely feel but just a tiny bit queasy at all. “That’s a good thing”, people say, but not when you’ve had 2 miscarriages. Not when the baby didn’t measure where it should have.

“But ultrasounds can be off 3 days or so, don’t worry”, again, easy for them to say, but not for me to believe when my first thoughts of her asking “Now how far along did you measure last week?” came out and I saw the new GA (gestational age) on the screen reading 4 or 5 days off were, “Oh no, this isn’t right”.

Wednesday night I was in tears, and today, I’m back to fighting them off. I’m hoping the empty feeling I have is just overreacting, that my thoughts of “something isn’t right” are wrong. I’m trying hard to dismiss the cramping – but I’m hurting, in my heart.

I’m scared.

And though I know I’m surrounded by many that love and care for us, I feel alone.

I woke up early this morning, much earlier than usual, so I laid down for a little nap a little while ago. When I woke up, DD wanted to show me necklaces that she had been working on for me and the baby. Is it overreacting that instead of being excited, my first thoughts were fighting back tears?

They want this baby so bad, I want it so bad.

Oh how I really hope I am wrong… it’s going to be a very long wait until Friday. I’ve even had the thought of going to Labor and Delivery cross my mind, for them to do an ultrasound – it would just be so expensive.

The one thing I am holding to is that years ago I remember asking the doctor many times if she was sure everything was okay, that I was still pregnant, when I carried DD. I felt so great, it didn’t seem like anything was different than normal.

There’s just such a big turn around from how I felt earlier in the week. I just don’t like this feeling I have, not at all…

Praying for God’s mercy and protection over this little one and our family,

Little Mommy

Well, I can say nothing but that I have felt the prayers of many! Yes, my mind still occassionally drifts to ‘what if’, but there’s no answer to that because if I really wanted to finish that question, it would read, “What if the Lord wanted our baby in heaven?”.

Now really, how can I argue against the Lord? Out of the blue this morning, DS2 asked me if I could keep the baby from going. I asked what he was talking about, and he asked me to keep the baby from going to heaven.

My heart was so blest to hear DS1 perk up that while we do want the baby to live with us, we want God’s will more. Wow! He’s really been listening to the things DH and I have been praying and talking about.

I really can’t say exactly what I’m feeling, except that for the time being, I’m going to love this little life beating inside me! Seeing that heartbeat was just another blessing this past week.

I realized that my appointment on Monday was on Valentine’s morning. Now, if you know our family, this just wouldn’t work. Mommy loves her little ones very…. much and takes this day to show them how special they are by making heart shaped pancakes for breakfast.

A 9:45 appointment that’s an hour away just wouldn’t work.

So, I will now be able to trust and rest in the Lord until next Friday! I’m still amazed at how much I’m sleeping. I have been waking up from a full night’s rest only to fall back asleep/ nap within a couple of hours.

My cravings have been meat and eggs – strange, because I can usually live w/o these any other time. I was like this with our first child, but none other. I’ve also been surprised to find that eating candy canes seems to ease my queasiness after eating.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding; in all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.” Proverbs 3: 5-6