Just the other day at the dinner table, DD (5) was deep in thought.

“Mommy, is the place where babies are born open all the time?”

I couldn’t help but laugh, as she was sincerely concerned that they might be closed when someone needed to have their baby.

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DS2 was talking the other day, and I happened to hear that his thoughts on how babies come out are that the mommy coughs and it comes up and out her mouth! I’m pretty sure I probably laughed at that one as well, explaining that the baby couldn’t to that, Mommy’s ribs would be in the way.

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It’s been fun looking through the week by week pictures online with the kids. There is one site that has 3D cartoon drawings of each stage, and they’ve really enjoyed seeing how the baby grows and develops.

They often ask me how big the baby is now, and we measure it out on the ruler, which then gets moved to our fingers. DD is paying close attention, and loves to show anyone willing to know how long the baby is on her finger.

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Last, but not least, DS 3 (22 months) has been paying quite a bit of attention to our ‘baby’ conversations. When I notice him watching us talking, I stop and point to my growing tummy and tell him there’s a baby in my tummy.

Tonight before bed, DD asked if she had a baby in her tummy. No, I replied laughing. “Well who does then?”, she asked. “You know, silly! Whose tummy is getting bigger?”

I noticed DS3 watching our conversation intently, so again, I told him that I had a baby in my tummy. (One of the last times I did this he tried to pull my clothes off my tummy to see – LOL!). He pointed and acknowledged he knew what we were saying.

Then the silly little guy pointed to his own tummy, saying their was a baby in there! “No, (laughing), there’s not a baby in YOUR tummy, it’s in Mommy’s tummy.”

So he then did what he did the other day, he moved onto another round body part, his knee. When I told him there was no baby there, he tried the other knee. It’s so funny seeing how these little minds work.

Little Mommy

Today was my LAST appointment with the specialist – I’m now cleared! I’m kinda sad, because this doctor really seems to care about his patients, and even though we were still whisked in and out, it seemed we mattered more than we have at OB’s we’ve used in the past. He even asked if he could come see us once the baby was born!

I was caught off guard by that one, but DH seemed to be encouraging it when he said “that’d be great!” Um… I’ll be in pjs! Anyways, if he does or doesn’t, he really made us feel welcome, for which I am very grateful.

Today I measured 1 week behind based on my original ultrasound and dates. It’s slowly crept back a few days each visit, and was only 1 day off this time. My stats today were 8 weeks (which would put me around Oct. 5th), 1.81 cm long crown to rump (18 mm for those that might not be up on their math, also around 3/4 inch), and the heart rate was 171 bmp.

We didn’t think to ask about our ‘in hand’ video camera today, so we ended up not getting video, but it was still really neat to see what was clearly a baby together. Remember, DH missed last week due to work. The heart looked great, and when he zoomed in, we could see the tiny little valves opening and closing – really neat!

I was excited to see how much larger it was, and panicked a little when I didn’t see the heartbeat at first – of course. The doc played around with different angles and we finally got a good one where we could see the arm and leg buds. I LOVE pregnancy, and seeing how truly amazing God’s creation is!

Next week we’ll go for our first regular OB appointment, meet a new doctor, and tour their facility. We still aren’t sure where we’ll end up, but we do have it narrowed down to two hospitals.

We were actually supposed to take the tour today, but ended up postponing it since I’ve had a nasty head cold since Monday night. Two of our four kiddos have the green noses, and the other two started sniffling today. I did test them and it’s viral, so there’s little we can do to stop it.

Plus, our current baby felt so bad that I just couldn’t leave him, and he went with us. I just knew that I don’t like for my children to be exposed to sickness, so I couldn’t do that to someone else. The nurse was grateful I let her know and set us up for next week instead.

Hopefully it will pass quickly. I have some new essential oils that I’m eager to try out, but was shocked to read that you shouldn’t use them while pregnant. I’m not sure exactly why, and I’d really like to breathe, but I just can’t risk anything with the baby. So, lots of lemon juice for me to help keep things broken up, and saline cleanings for my poor little nose.

Now to the title of this post…

I couldn’t tell you HOW many times I have seen pictures of donuts this week. Come on, they are everywhere! We hit rock bottom on our food stash yesterday, so a trip to the store was in order this afternoon. (After a 2 hour nap on the couch at my moms.)

I left most of my coupons at home by mistake, so we just went to WalMart instead of deal shopping. I was trying to remember everything that I have wanted this week – from orange sherbet, to those nasty fake chicken strips (the real ones make me really sick right now), to marshmallows, to donuts.

Oh yeah, I didn’t post about the orange sherbet, just Facebooked it. I HAD to have the stuff last Friday, but DH forgot his cell phone when he left work. Desparate as I was, I took what we had here and made my own – milk, sweetened condensed milk, sugar, and frozen oj (let’s not add that this oj had been half used months ago and was still in the freezer).

It actually tasted pretty good, for a few minutes. Then, I’m not sure if it was the mixture, or the thinking of mixing milk and oj together, but I felt pretty nasty. Even the thought of it the next day turned my stomach.

Anyways, we opened the donuts in the van only for me to be totally disappointed. No grease and an extra sweet icing. Oh well, everyone else seemed to like them. Once home, I tried the orange sherbet. It was okay, but not quite right. I tried a second scoop, but it still wasn’t hitting the spot.

On to the marshmallows – tried one, nope, wasn’t it either… Which led me to trying hot chocolate – working better than some things, but still not great.

I finally gave up, and even DH added in his two cents that I wouldn’t ever find exactly what I wanted. I really don’t remember having such a hard time finding what was good to me in past pregnancies, but this time is really stumping me.

I’m getting more sensitive to smells – so don’t wear lotion or perfume around me, and forget those nasty cigarettes – ughh! Just having to ride the elevator w/ someone that reeked of smoke today at the hospital was bad enough.

Not complaining about any of this, really, just recording all the crazy little quirks I’m having with this pregnancy. I’m grateful that God has placed me right here, and would do it all for this little one! I’d just be happy if they’d tell me exactly what it is that I need to eat.

Little Mommy

I didn’t realize how nervous I still was about the visit today until I sat down in the waiting room and my eyes started tearing up. DH wasn’t sure if he could make the visit, work is funny about needing 30 days notice, and so waiting alone wasn’t helping.

15 minutes later I look up and out of the window to see him walking into the building, and again, I had to fight emotions with all that was in me. By the time he joined me and spoke, the tears couldn’t be fought any longer. I know the girl next to me thought I was crazy!

Recap from last week: the baby should’ve measured 7 weeks, but only measured 6 weeks 3 days. The day after my visit the naseua stopped almost completely. I also haven’t been sleeping as much, though still very tired and just wiped out.

Many times I felt so good that I began to worry – there was no way I could still be pregnant. Until Sunday night. I had skipped taking the vitamin I had started a few days before for some reason and felt really bad again.

After examining the ingredients, I discovered it had B6 which is known to fight the sickness. Apparently it works great for me! I’m really just taking this, which has 5 or 6 key vitamins, and a folic acid tablet. I’m not sure that the added calcium in prenatals didn’t add to the kidney stone I had my last pregnancy, so I’m avoiding that right now – along w/ extra iron, which leads to other issues.

I do know to keep an eye on this though, esp. since I’m so tired, because I was anemic one of my pregnancies. Just a reminder for if I look back in a few weeks and wonder what I was thinking…

Anyways, we finally get called back and DH gets paged – his next patient had arrived. (He works just a couple of blocks from my doc) You could tell the torn look in his eyes. I really wanted him there, but just him coming over in the first place spoke volumes to me and was enough. It seems our eyes were able to say what we couldn’t say, we hugged, and he had to leave.

It was a good thing though, because it was about 35 to 40 more minutes before the ultrasound room opened up. The doc came in while I was waiting, all cheerful, asking how I was doing, only to be dumbfounded when I started the tears again. I tried, I really did, but when I opened my mouth to answer how I was feeling, the tears came out instead. I’ve been worried.

He was very considerate and offered me the tissues (:)), and said to be sure to let them know if this was the case again and they would try to rush me back – so DH could have stayed with me. It was okay though, I know that God has a plan in all this, and I’m trying to just trust Him.

Finally, I get back and I wish I’d had someone take my picture when I saw the baby on the screen. It was so much bigger than last week! But I couldn’t see the heartbeat. I froze, probably held my breath, until I saw it – that little heart beating. I can’t describe the burden that I felt lifted off of me – I really think I felt it.

Thank you, Lord, for the life You which is still placed in our care! I am now officially past the mark where I’ve miscarried each time before. I measure 7 weeks 3 days, which is 2 days off from the 6 weeks 3 days 9 days ago – for a total of 6 days off now. They don’t seem too concerned, and to be honest, I’m not since the growth was so much better this time and that heart beat – it was so strong! 150, up from 119.

I can’t wait to show DH and the kids the video they let me take of the heartbeat, and to hear it again myself; it has to be one of the most beautiful sounds in the entire world, and I’m so, so happy that it’s there and it’s my baby’s!

Little Mommy

I’m trying to keep a good mind about me, I’m repeating a verse someone shared with me early in this pregnancy, “For God hath not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and a sound mind”, but I’m struggling today.

I went in Wednesday begging for meds to help the constant “I’m about to throw up everything” feeling, and it’s like a switch flipped and I rarely feel but just a tiny bit queasy at all. “That’s a good thing”, people say, but not when you’ve had 2 miscarriages. Not when the baby didn’t measure where it should have.

“But ultrasounds can be off 3 days or so, don’t worry”, again, easy for them to say, but not for me to believe when my first thoughts of her asking “Now how far along did you measure last week?” came out and I saw the new GA (gestational age) on the screen reading 4 or 5 days off were, “Oh no, this isn’t right”.

Wednesday night I was in tears, and today, I’m back to fighting them off. I’m hoping the empty feeling I have is just overreacting, that my thoughts of “something isn’t right” are wrong. I’m trying hard to dismiss the cramping – but I’m hurting, in my heart.

I’m scared.

And though I know I’m surrounded by many that love and care for us, I feel alone.

I woke up early this morning, much earlier than usual, so I laid down for a little nap a little while ago. When I woke up, DD wanted to show me necklaces that she had been working on for me and the baby. Is it overreacting that instead of being excited, my first thoughts were fighting back tears?

They want this baby so bad, I want it so bad.

Oh how I really hope I am wrong… it’s going to be a very long wait until Friday. I’ve even had the thought of going to Labor and Delivery cross my mind, for them to do an ultrasound – it would just be so expensive.

The one thing I am holding to is that years ago I remember asking the doctor many times if she was sure everything was okay, that I was still pregnant, when I carried DD. I felt so great, it didn’t seem like anything was different than normal.

There’s just such a big turn around from how I felt earlier in the week. I just don’t like this feeling I have, not at all…

Praying for God’s mercy and protection over this little one and our family,

Little Mommy

Well, I can say nothing but that I have felt the prayers of many! Yes, my mind still occassionally drifts to ‘what if’, but there’s no answer to that because if I really wanted to finish that question, it would read, “What if the Lord wanted our baby in heaven?”.

Now really, how can I argue against the Lord? Out of the blue this morning, DS2 asked me if I could keep the baby from going. I asked what he was talking about, and he asked me to keep the baby from going to heaven.

My heart was so blest to hear DS1 perk up that while we do want the baby to live with us, we want God’s will more. Wow! He’s really been listening to the things DH and I have been praying and talking about.

I really can’t say exactly what I’m feeling, except that for the time being, I’m going to love this little life beating inside me! Seeing that heartbeat was just another blessing this past week.

I realized that my appointment on Monday was on Valentine’s morning. Now, if you know our family, this just wouldn’t work. Mommy loves her little ones very…. much and takes this day to show them how special they are by making heart shaped pancakes for breakfast.

A 9:45 appointment that’s an hour away just wouldn’t work.

So, I will now be able to trust and rest in the Lord until next Friday! I’m still amazed at how much I’m sleeping. I have been waking up from a full night’s rest only to fall back asleep/ nap within a couple of hours.

My cravings have been meat and eggs – strange, because I can usually live w/o these any other time. I was like this with our first child, but none other. I’ve also been surprised to find that eating candy canes seems to ease my queasiness after eating.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding; in all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.” Proverbs 3: 5-6

Today we went in for our weekly visit to the specialist, due to my previous miscarriages and pregnancy issues. Given all of the naseua I’ve had this week, and all of the extra sleep, I had a really good feeling – even hoping that he would release me to a regular OB.

So, pretty much, my worries were mostly behind me, and I was finally starting to let myself get really excited. I hope this doesn’t sound bad, I really am thrilled with this baby! I can’t explain it, but something about losing babies makes you a little afraid to believe it’s real – just in case.

I don’t understand this, because either way, you love this baby with all of your heart, and if God does so choose to take it, the loss you feel is just as real as losing someone you see and touch.

The screen we get to watch on quickly showed the sack, and there was our baby! You could see the little heartbeat (if you looked hard).

My hard part came when the measurements came in at 6 weeks, 3 days. I was 6 weeks last Wed., so it should be 7 weeks today. They didn’t seem concerned, at least from what they showed us, but do want us to continue coming back weekly for a few more weeks now (which does have me a little more concerned).

I know this baby’s life is in God’s Hand, and as before when faced with these fears, there is nothing I can do but pray that God’s will is done. Please join us in praying that God’s will is done, and if that is for this baby to join us – we are excited and really…….. want this!!!

They did say that these can be off 3 days. I’m just ready to be past 6 weeks, 5 days, which is when we saw the heartbeat for the first little one we lost. I miscarried at 6 weeks, 7 days that time – and thought I past that point the other day.

The vitals – the baby measured 6 mm, up from 2 mm last week. Based on 7 weeks, this should be 12 mm. The heartrate was 119, which they said was good.

I will actually be going back in earlier in the week next week, since I can’t get in Tues. or Wed.. LOTS of praying in the next 5 days!

Little Mommy

That about sums it up for me the past couple of weeks! I don’t remember being this tired during the other pregnancies, but I’m not sure that I’m going to complain because I love to take a nap.

DH was great this past weekend. He let me sleep until 9:40, and then take a nap from 11:40 to 2:40. Believe it or not, I was actually tired that night around 8:30. I hope I’m not catching up now for all of the sleep I’m going to miss come September…

I’m nearing the end of Week 6, and basically I’m a newborn baby – eat, go potty, sleep, eat, go potty sleep. And I’m really having a hard time getting myself to drink enough water – then I’d be going potty even more!

DD is still really excited. She asks me often if the baby is doing good, and to be sure to tell her when my tummy hurts. She has a little secret that she’s keeping from me, but her Daddy is going to help her write one word on a card when my tummy starts hurting (that is, when the baby is coming).

I love the way she lays next to me as I’m waking up from a nap – she covers my shoulders up with the blanket, at times she’ll lean over and kiss my cheek, and if (I mean, when) I open my eyes, she’s right there grinning ear to ear at me. It’s precious!

I’m finding that clothes are already fitting a little tighter and having to be loosened up. This is due to the fact that everytime I feel a little queasy, I eat. I might actually gain more than my normal 32-34 lbs. during this pregnancy.

After mid-week when I hit 7 weeks I’ll feel much better, as I’m still somewhat holding my breath since the two miscarriages I’ve had were both before the end of 6 weeks. Given how tired I am, my sense of smell working against me, and my rediscovered love of saltine crackers… I’d say things are going great.

As I close, I must share a song I just shared on another blog, “All People That on Earth Do Dwell”, also known as “Doxology”. We acknowledge that God has blessed us with this baby, it’s nothing of our own doing.

We decided many, many years ago that we felt God wanted us to trust HIM with our family size - whether He gave us children or not. What a blessing it has been to trust Him in this, and receive the 4 children He has given us. It has also been a blessing to trust Him as He decided to take 2 of our babies to Heaven before we met them.

It’s unexplainable, but there’s such a peace in knowing that nothing will come our way that isn’t the Lord’s will for our lives. And what a blessing to know that very soon we will have yet another little one to love on and raise for the Lord, His kingdom, and His glory!

Little Mommy

Today was the first day for the kiddos to wake up since our telling them about the new baby. DS1 comes in my room, “Mommy, MOMMY (in a hushed, but loud whisper), how’s the baby this morning?”.

DS2 already snuggled up next to me in the bed follows up by asking, “How are you and the baby, Mommy?” How sweet!

DD was quickly in the bed with us, and matter of factly told her brothers, “X and Y, you have to be quiet, because I think God has given the baby ears now and you will wake it up, so you need to be quiet!” LOL!

Oh, how I love these precious times with my children. And, oh yeah, DD is convinced that God has made this baby a girl – she just knows it!

Little Mommy